


Sammy.

by americanthighs



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angels, Angst, Drabble, Gen, Letter, Other, Sad Dean, Season/Series 09, Season/Series09 episode - Sharp Teeth, Spoilers, sharp teeth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-29
Updated: 2014-01-29
Packaged: 2018-01-10 11:45:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1159336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/americanthighs/pseuds/americanthighs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A letter from Dean to Sam. Written from the most recent episode of SPN (S9 ep 12). Angst, angst, and more angst. Little bit of humor to lighten in up, but pretty heavy. </p><p>Warning: Swearing. Not your thing, not your fic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sammy.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey lovelies, 
> 
> For those of you who watched the most recent episode ("Sharp Teeth") - what did you think of the ending? Personally, it broke my heart. But I know things'll get better. 
> 
> Right? They have to, right?
> 
> RIGHT? 
> 
> Enjoy...I guess.
> 
> P.S. I use UK/AUS spelling because I'm not from America. So it's not misspelled - it's just spelled differently from what you might be used to :)

Sammy,

 

I'm a mess, baby brother.

I don’t know when our lives started being more fucked up than they already were. I don’t know when we stopped being brothers. God, Sammy. I'm sick of being screwed over by all the supernatural shit in our lives.

I know you’re angry at me. Hell, I’m angry at me. But the idea of us not being brothers? It’s pretty goddamn unbearable. We’re family. And I know you don’t believe that. I don’t blame you. I’m just gonna ask one more thing of you. Please - just hear me out. One last time. 

I’m not angry at you for hating me. Trust me, I tried to be. But how could I? Look – when I found out you’d been sneaking around behind my back...drinking _demon_ blood, for fucks sake – I wasn’t your brother. _I_ was the monster. And I didn’t have to drink any blood to earn the title.

Let me skip ahead a bit to tell you something you already know; I can’t live without you. I just can’t do it. You’re my brother, man. You’re family.

But something I didn’t realise – something I should have known that I was too busy being a selfish prick to see - is that maybe you can’t live without me either. I was in hell and – and you were desperate. I wasn’t there. Ruby was. It’s not like you were signing deals and ganking puppies - you were wasting demons. The family business. You were doing what you’d been doing your whole life. Sammy, you thought you were trying to stop the apocalypse – and I treated you like a piece of shit. Like a specimen. One of the bad guys. And I’m gonna say it right now, because I know I never did.

I’m sorry.

But there’s something else I want to say – something I’ve always wanted to say. I don't know if you remember - okay, that's a lie. It's not something you forget. Just...when I said that I'd wanna hunt you I - I didn’t mean it, Sammy. You gotta believe me. I didn’t mean it. You’re my baby brother. God, it’s my job to look after you, to protect you, to just _be_ there. I know I've hurt you, time and time again. Honestly, who haven’t I hurt? But I never _set out_ to do it. Hurting _you_ of all people is the last thing I ever wanted. Yeah, it doesn't matter. I get it. My intentions could be clean as a nun's and I’d still manage to hurt someone. It kinda comes with the initials, you know? Kevin. Dad. Jo. Ellen. The list goes on, you know that – but they’re all on me. Every single one of them. Sounds gay, but you couldn’t hurt a fly. Unless it was, you know...an evil fly.

Besides that? We’re a package deal. The Winchesters. We’ve got a name, baby brother. Demons run and angels hunt because our name carries a whole lot of weight. Supernatural or not, when shit hits the fan, it rains down with a fucking vengeance. And we're always underneath it. Remember the yellow-eyed demon? Hell? Ruby? The Apocalypse? And those don't even make the top ten... 

There is a good side to everything we've been through, though. Man, we should be dead. We should be broken, destroyed. I mean, we kind of are in a way - I don't know about you, but I definitely don't watch the same kind of porn I did ten years ago. But even after everything that's happened to us, we're still not complete invalids. In a sick, twisted way – it’s made us stronger. And it’s made you into a man ten times my worth. I know I don’t tell you that enough.

Man...I’m begging you. After all this, don’t let my stupidity be our downfall. We’ve survived so much worse than this, Sammy. This can’t be it. Just – just don’t make your decision yet, okay? Please keep reading. Because I got a lot of things to apologize for.

 

I’m sorry you didn’t get to be a kid. I’m sorry I hated you for leaving. I’m sorry we let that dick excuse for a demon bleed into your mouth. I’m sorry I let some psychopath angel root around your head. Hell – I’m sorry I made out with your girlfriend back in high school.

 

And I’m so, so sorry, that I’m too weak to live without you.

 

You’re my baby brother. You’re my family. And if you never forgive me, I hope you can at least remember this –

 

That no matter how much you hate me, I’ll always hate me more.

 

Oh, and Sammy?

 

 

I’m sorry you’ll never get this letter .

 


End file.
